On Facebook Chat
“Last night I met a guy on the dancefloor.”
“OK?”
“He called me Baby all night.”
“So . . . ”
“I didn’t even know his name.”
“Well, he didnt know your name either . . . so you’re even.”
“Did you know Wal Marts don’t sell ground hog costumes?”
“I am worried about my hermit crab. He isn’t using the bathroom. We recently changed his food type. We did that about a week ago.” Julie Lawson, 2010
Riding with a friend in a car. Exiting the interstate, following another car: “Look at this shit! These fuckers never use their blinkers!”
“You’re not using your blinker.”
“Yeah . . . these fuckers have me so pissed I can’t think straight.”
“Praise Jesus . . . the Republican in Massachusetts won!”
“He supports abortion, same sex marriage and gun restrictions.”
“Oh . . . “
“I ran over my dog in my car, because Big Bird said to and he’s my leader.”
Kellie Monk-Knotts, 2010
“I loved a stuffed animal in a hole, because I’m sexy and I do what I want to do.”
“Did you now?”
Gina Benassi, 2010
Overheard (someone on their cell phone): “Turtle is my lucky word . . .” Alex Hamm, 2010
“Daddy, them girls are showing their boobies.” Little boy, watching the big weigh-in on Biggest Loser. (The men don’t wear shirts.)
A friend, looking at a very heavy woman wearing skinny jeans and a short t-shirt: “She’s looking for a beauty salut.”
