Ticklenotes

“Do people treat you differently, after they learn you are terminally ill?”

“Yes, people don’t try to give me advice no more.”

“I am starved.”

“We still have that Meat Lovers pizza in the trunk.”

Another letter I received:

Mr. Cornwell:

The change from the name Cornwell to your true name Cornwall has been made to the records in our database and the Online Searchable Database will be updated tonight. We apologize for the inconvenience. If you have any questions, please call.

Thank you,

This was written on the envelope:

Dr. Michael Cornwall
123 Smith Road
Shelbyville, KY 40005

This is what the letter said that was inside the envelope:

Dear Dr. Cornwall:

You neglected to fill in the area of your application indicating your mailing address. I am

attaching a copy of your application. Please provide us with your current mailing address.

Sincerely,

Claims Department

Overheard between two coworkers:

“Sometimes I get the distinct impression that you don’t like me.”

“See, I told you had a good sense of people.”

Sometimes, overheard conversations are not so funny. While waiting to renew my driver’s license in Lexington, Kentucky, I overheard this conversation between one of the desk clerks and an elderly black man, around 80 years old:

“‘Scuse me ma’am, I need to get a license.”

“What kind of license?”

“I lost my driver’s license.”

“What’s your name?”

“Charles Jamison.”

“Spell it.”

(Whispering) “I can’t spell.”

(Loudly) “You can’t spell your own name!”

“No ma’am.”

“I hate this job.”

Telephone conversation with my brother:

“You’ll NEVER guess where I am right now.”

“In a titty bar?”

“NO! I am in a library. F’real!”

“What’re you doing? Looking for a light?”

“So who’s going?”

“My fiance and me.”

“Your fiance? I didn’t know you were engaged.”

“Yes you did, we asked you to cater our wedding.”

“Oh, I thought you were kidding.”

Overheard between two coworkers:

“You know what phrase I hate? Tight budget. It just sounds dirty. Something about a ‘tight budget’ just isn’t right.”

“Yeah, same thing with ‘finger prick’.”

“Those shoes look real comfortable. What are those, like, deer wool?”