Ticklenotes

Kid on his cell phone at the mall:

“Really?!?!  She just told me! I am so pumped they are from Des Moines. “

Two people waiting in line for movie tickets:

“I’m having one of those new grape drinks. Do you like them?”

“Yeah, I LOVE it. It’s like . . . a fusion of Jonathan and me.” 

Two male teens talking at McDonald’s: 

“I went to a school where they were straight up racist and they told us if you weren’t all white you had no soul and if you masturbate you’re killing kittens. My reponse was, ‘When life is tough, and you feel like quittin’, it’s always better to kill a kitten.’ I was 11 and it became a jingle at the local rock station.”

“I’m still hungry.”

At Reno’s Steakhouse:

“You know . . . you never see anyone horse wrestling anymore.”

Overheard between two waitresses at the wait station, Johnny Carino’s restaurant:

“Why don’t you take this plate over there to that table. I need a break.”

“Why don’t you smell my ass.”

Overheard at the hair salon:

“How much would one highlight cost?”

Three coworkers discussing George Bush:

“History will show that Bush was one of our greatest American presidents. When you’re an old man like me, people will view him much differently. Time will prove he was a hero.”

“I know we’re desperate for heroes these days, but how much time will have to pass for us to make a hero out of someone who ordered the American military to fly into a sovereign nation, in the middle of the night, and drop bombs on sleeping mothers and their children.”

“Time will show he was right.”

Two government workers, chatting at my gym:

“I just got off probabtion. I am an official civil service worker with all the protections.”

“Congratulations!”

“Yeah! I can’t be fired. I can shit in my boss’ hat on video tape and still come to work the next day.”

“Cool.”

Two coworkers passing in the hall:

“How is your mom?”

“Well, you know she’s got that dimension. She’s in and out. When you get the dimension, there’s no telling what to except. She’s liable to do anything at any moment.”

“That must be hard for you. Hope I never get dimension.”

“I heard that.”  

Two coworkers talking in the office beside mine. They are both Republicans:

“You know, that Obama isn’t as articulate as people think.”

“Without a TelePrompter, he is fumble-mouthed and can’t really make a coherent sentence.”

“I noticed that, too. He needs a script.”

“We could at least count on some straight talk from Bush.”