Ticklenotes

An email I recieved from a coworker:

“You can come here, or I can come there.  Either way, one of us has to come.”

I asked the son of a friend of mine what he wanted to be when he grows up. (He’s 5.):

“A sniper.”

Two employees talking outside my office:

“I never get to see people from high school. I moved away when I graduated and I never came back. I probably wouldn’t even recognize anyone anyway.”

“You never know. They might recognize you. Do you still look a lot like you did back then?”

“Not really. I’m a lot better looking now.”

Two people waiting for the elevator this afternoon:

“Hey! I haven’t seen you in a LONG time! You look GREAT! You lose a bunch of weight or something?”

“No.”

Two employees chatting in a cube:

“Did you like my email?”

“It was a little bit too formal.”

“You were just copied. It was to management.”

“Doesn’t matter. Everyone knows you’re a hillbilly.”

Brother talking with his sister at Christmas:

“What did you get him for Christmas?”

“I wanted to get him a Rolodex watch, but I could only get a Timex.”

“Don’t you mean Rolex?”

“That’s what I said.”

“No, you said Rolodex.”

“I know.”

Speaking with a woman in my office:

“They say I have a photogenic memory.”

“You mean photographic.”

“What’s the difference?”

In line at the post office:

“I know there have been a lot of allegations made against me.”

“Yeah, and I know all the alligators.”

Woman in line at Starbucks:

“My soul needs a cell phone.”

A friend of mine talking with me over the phone:

“The gym is full. I have never seen so many people in there.”

“It’s the New Year’s resolution crowd. This happens every year. They join the gym, hang around until March, and give up. The gym makes a lot of money when they do that.”

“Doesn’t that make you feel horrible about yourself?”

“Why would it?”

“Well, people set resolutions every year so they can live like you and me for the rest of their lives. And in three months they say ‘This life sucks’ and they go back to living their old lives. That means most people think our lives suck.”

“Hmmmmmm . . . I never thought of it that way.”