Ticklenotes

A guy in my office, speaking with the payroll clerk:

“Pay day! Here you go. Looks like you have two.”

“Wow! I get paid twice now?”

“No, one is your severance.”

A friend, talking with me in London: “God is big. Very big.”

At the buffet, Louiville, KY.  The people across from me were there when I came in. The waitress came over to their table and said, “You been here four hour. You go now. You go now.  You been here four hour.”  They left.

Guy on the Travel Channel / Man vs. Food: “I ate the curry, and I bled from my nose.”

Bloke on the London Eye, London, 2009: “God is big.”

After the commercial, she returned and said, “Look at the golden corn, Rich. It’s an enourmous fisherman’s platter. It’s a traditional New England clam bake! Rich, I want to dip the whole thing in some butter! LOOK AT IT, RICH!”

Woman talking to a TV reporter about a Las Vegas buffet:

“How do you like the buffet?”

“Well, I saw these crab legs, and I said to Rich, I said Rich, look at the crab legs. So Rich went over and said, ‘Yeah, they’re crab legs, all right.’ So I said to Rich, I said, Rich, let’s have some. So now we are having some crab legs. These really are crab legs. We like crab legs, me and Rich. Nothing better than a crab leg.”

Guy on the elevator, speaking with a woman: “Your chickens are about to come home and roost.”

A guy sitting in my office, looking out the window: “Why is that woman over there on the walking track wearing a Girl Scout hat?”