Ticklenotes

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I  started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

“It’s a new day. It’s a new dawn.  It’s a new life. I’m drinking tea, and I’m feeling good!”

“Yeah, just like yesterday.”

I was out for a while today and, rather embarrassingly, fell asleep in Tesco’s cafeteria. I awoke with my head on the table to see an exceedingly fat, middle-aged women staring back at me from an adjoining table. My waking seemed to startle her, and for some unknown reason she winked at me and left.

I was looking for a particular letter. I asked someone if they knew where it might be.  She said, “I have the email requesting the letter.”

“OK,” I said, ”I have that too. Thanks.”

“Do you want me to forward you the original?”

“Ummmmm  . . . “

I just got an email. It said, “I am attaching three copies of the correspondence, for your convenience.” In the attachment line, there were three documents, all the same – copies for my convenience.