Ticklenotes

“I am worried about my hermit crab. He isn’t using the bathroom. We recently changed his food type. We did that about a week ago.” Julie Lawson, 2010

Riding with a friend in a car. Exiting the interstate, following another car: “Look at this shit! These fuckers never use their blinkers!”
“You’re not using your blinker.”
“Yeah . . . these fuckers have me so pissed I can’t think straight.”

“Praise Jesus . . . the Republican in Massachusetts won!”
“He supports abortion, same sex marriage and gun restrictions.”
“Oh . . . “

“I ran over my dog in my car, because Big Bird said to and he’s my leader.”
Kellie Monk-Knotts, 2010

“I loved a stuffed animal in a hole, because I’m sexy and I do what I want to do.”
“Did you now?”
Gina Benassi, 2010

“You might get that job. I would be really happy.”
“Yeah, but I’d have to supervise you. I don’t think I can supervise my friends.”
“That would be OK with me. I can take constructive advice.”
“Well, I don’t think you manage your time really well.”
“You should take a walk in my shoes BEFORE you start giving your out your opinion.”

Talking to a woman in my office:
“Would you like snow seeds in your hot chocolate?”
“Snow seeds? What’s a snow seed?”
She sprinkled some mini-marshmallows on top of my hot chocolate. “Snow seeds.”

A co-worker, looking at the dead flies on my office window ledge, “Jesus! It’s like Amityville Horror in here . . . “

Overheard (someone on their cell phone): “Turtle is my lucky word . . .” Alex Hamm, 2010

“Daddy, them girls are showing their boobies.” Little boy, watching the big weigh-in on Biggest Loser. (The men don’t wear shirts.)