Ticklenotes

“I just hate talking to people anymore.”
“You are too smart. People don’t know how to talk to you.”
“I know. People don’t understand a fucking thing I say to them.”
“You’re not THAT smart.”

Overheard on a TV commercial : “People CANNOT BELIEVE how unbelievable the quality of the work is . . . “

“What are you doing this summer?”
“Well, first I’m going to tongue punch your mom’s fart box . . . and then I think I’ll read a book.”

“Writing the dissertation was the toughest thing I think I ever did.”
“I want a doctor’s degree.”
“Do you think you will get through the dissertation?”
“Yeah! I really like to type.”

” . . . . this ain’t no public lip . . . git yer own . . . ‘fore you go . . . hand me some of that chicken and kool whip . . . “

I went to McDonald’s today, and an old lady was there with a little girl. She asked for a “grandchild meal.”

“. . . save money by growing your own fur . . . AT HOME!!!”

On Facebook Chat
“Last night I met a guy on the dancefloor.”
“OK?”
“He called me Baby all night.”
“So . . . ”
“I didn’t even know his name.”
“Well, he didnt know your name either . . . so you’re even.”

I was telling a friend of mine about Sh’Diamond Tiara. He’s a physician. He said he once had a patient named – YoHighness . . .

I was watching TV – on of those baby daddy shows – and the woman had been on there 14 times and still couldn’t find her baby daddy. The baby’s name? Sh’Diamond Tiara . . . .